Following President 45's impetuous press conference, I felt it was time to write something. I sat there trying to make sense of his ramblings and judging whether the press was asking him "nice questions" or not.
Then I started thinking of things I might ask him if I got to attend one of these press conferences. Because we have never seen anything like this. And I hope it doesn't last very long.
Is he making America great again?
Pizza is great. And this tastes nothing like pizza.
Ok. Press Conference questions. Here goes:
1. Mr. President.. Earth: Flat or round?
2. You and your closest advisors have been heavily endorsed by outwardly racist organizations, although you claim that "there is no one less racist than you." Do you feel you should have a meeting with Frederick Douglas to clear up any misunderstandings?
3. In regards to your Secretary of Education appointee, do you think there is a direct correlation between her contribution money and the senators who voted her in?
(Uhhh, "correlation" means "connection," Mr President.)
4. This is a two part question. I'm wondering if you'll get so sidetracked not answering one that you forget that I asked the other. You were quoted as saying that "we need clean air and clean water." What did you mean by that, and can articulate a single sentence regarding any thought or type of plan as to how you might achieve that?
5. How confident are you in the future of the United States without allies?
6. What does Steve Bannon tell you will replace the Affordable Care Act? You're right, that wasn't a nice question.
7. You've always been a champion of the self-made man. People love that about you. Can you tell us exactly how much money you inherited from your father?
8. I have a few friends in Atlantic City that you owe money to. Any chance they will see any of that money?
9. To your credit, you have set yourself apart in American political history as a president committed to fulfilling promises made on the campaign trail. But can you explain to us your interpretation of "drain the swamp?"
10. Do those tiny hands make your tiny penis look bigger?
The Pizza Resistance will be an ongoing column to remind people that while it seems America has lost it's red, white and blue marbles, there are some of us who still think this shit is crazy.